Core values and Conscious Parenting! A blog by  Niharika Dudhal

The Mission, Vision and Core Values of the Organization called “Family”

 

Identifying your Core Values as Parents

Consider this: You and your child ride a taxi to the airport to board a flight on a fully sponsored trip to Paris. You were late to call the cab but the driver somehow managed to reach you in time. You open your wallet and realize that you are running short of 1000 bucks and promise the cabbie to come back after withdrawing money from the ATM. When you reach the ATM you see that the final call for your security check is being made. Would you hop in for the security check, or would you return to the driver with the money, risking missing the flight?

We come across numerous parenting decisions in our day to day life. We subconsciously take these decisions based on our value systems, some of which are core to us. These values (and habits) that we have built may have been passed on to us from our parents, while others may have been picked up from our environment and pivotal experiences in life. And these are precisely those “values” that we are latently going to pass down to our children.

Parenthood is a perpetual and continual process. Something that only has a beginning but no end. Giving birth is like throwing a blob of clay on the potter’s wheel. From that moment on, you ought to lend it a hand to shape it constantly. If one chooses to be passive through it, he can only expect an ill-formed spirit that fills his heart with frustration and regrets.

 

Introspecting and doing a Strength & Weakness Analysis

While many of us fail to even realize that our children are constantly watching us and are subconsciously recording every single experience, some of us see parenting as our second chance at life. While some of us fail to realize that the fact is that our children take after us; there are some who already have a list of things that they wish to correct from their own childhood for their children – Certain experiences, some practices that we wish to be different for them.

Navigating through our lives, we may have come across values (and habits) that best served us and those that were not serving us so well. The ones we want our children to take from us and the ones we don’t want them to. And in order to make sure that these traits don’t go down to them with our parenting, we need to first become aware of their existence. Being or becoming aware of these values will help you

  • To get to know yourself better, and effectively navigate your priorities better.
  • To gain a deeper understanding of interpersonal relationships and manage conflict more effectively.
  • For setting goals that are right for you and your child

It’s not hard to take decisions when you know what your core values are. To have a less frustrated life as a parent, one must align his core values with the vision he has for his child.

 

The Partner

Despite our efforts, one major deterrent that plays up is the duality in our parenting styles. Our partners and we very often belong to different family backgrounds and hence may have had a contrasting set of experiences and may have a different outlook towards these “skills”.

However, running a family is like running a company. As the TEAM running it, you parents ought to be on the same page with regards to the vision, mission and the core values that you shall operate this organization on. Fundamental disconnect between your personal core values (and your partner’s) and how your family is operating adds up to stress thereby limiting you from providing a conducive and enriching environment for the development of your child.

Like it or not, you as the parent are responsible for the individual she is. And the only way we can effectively nurture good life skills in her is by MODELING them ourselves; there are no two ways about it. So take some time out, and just like teachers have objectives for which they plan every lesson, list your objectives and the outcomes for your child’s life.

Here is a rough chart to take you through:

Step 1: Sit down with your partner and quietly retrospect your respective lives. Write down as many as you can think of.

My strengths (part of me that I want my child to take) My weaknesses (part of me that I don’t want my child to take) What I want my child to experience What I don’t want my child to experience What other qualities do I envision in her?

Step 2: That guy who so swept you off your feet or that woman who had you swooning in her love now suddenly seems to be getting it all wrong. Think about your Partner and write down as many you can think of.

Your strengths (part of you that I want my child to take) Your weaknesses (part of you that I don’t want my child to take)

Step 3: Share with your partner. Remember to:

  1. Remind yourself the objective of taking the feedback. Stop your first reaction.
  2. Listen carefully.
  3. Say thank you.
  4. Do not get defensive. Ask questions to deconstruct the feedback.
  5. Take time to sit and think about the feedback. Remind yourself the objective of taking the feedback again. Make additions to your own list.

Step 4: Attach these sheets some spot accessible and sacred to the two of you.

Step 5: Revisit on your child’s birthday(s) to check how you are faring.

Here are some random pointers:

  • I am an effective communicator/ expressive/ disciplined/ risk taker/creative/ imaginative/ avid reader/ humble/ honest/ respect difference of opinion/ good listener/ observer/ physically fit/ nature lover/ independent/ can remain level-headedin the most stressful situations
  • I lie/ am manipulative/ am not very effective at time management/ not open to feedback/ cold in a romantic relationship/ procrastinate/ am judgemental/ am a chauvinist/ have stage fright/ smoke
  • I am an introvert/pessimist/ not empathetic/ materialistic/ disrespectful of others’ commitments/ offensive/ submissive/ short tempered/ violent/ abusive/ not a trustworthy leader or team-player, etc.

 

This article was originally published on www.thealternativelearner.com

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